Girls

Now don’t get me wrong: I am a girl. So there are plenty of things I like about my species. But how often being one of them drives me up the wall...

For example, I always feel so embarrassed when I overhear a variant of the following conversation:

Girl 1: “Oh, I really need the bathroom.”
Girl 2: “OK.”
Girl 1: “Will you come with me?”
Girl 2: “OK.”

Not only is it disturbing that Girl 1 needs a chaperone, but the fact that Girl 2 agrees with no fuss whatsoever – and often a little enthusiasm – is all the more annoying.

And get this. Girls feel the need to hug and kiss each other all the time. What is that about? And it’s not only the hug and the kiss. It’s all the screaming. I might understand if you were giving a hug to someone returning from a long holiday, a gap year perhaps, but a chance meeting with a gal pal one evening after having ‘done’ lunch with them four hours ago? Please.

I made my stance clear about ten years ago when, one day in year 10, I had somehow become a peripheral member of the ‘cool crew’ and realised that my newfound status was going to incur a lot of post-class and post-lunchbreak hugging and kissing. I told my new friends that I did not like all the kissing and, after a profound silence, complimented by many a gaping mouth, I was granted exemption.

I managed to keep my reputation as the non-kissing, semi-cool girl all the way up to my wedding day. Then people didn’t seem to care for my strict rules on greeting etiquette. I was hugged and kissed non-stop, but to be honest, a day’s exception was bearable.

Mind you, considering the contraption of a dress I had on, I did hold off going to the bathroom all day so as not to require an escort.